Helping Each Other Cope

Helping Each Other Cope

I feel like we also need to talk about what else we can do when this happens, when we lose Autistic or other disabled people to violence, besides just talking about it and writing about it and letting everyone know what happened and that it is not okay and we should all mourn the loss.

We should do all of those things, but as I’m seeing many, many posts about what happened, I’m seeing little about what we can do to help each other cope.

I had a bad day yesterday. I do not usually post about bad days publicly. But it was a bad day; I was upset about London McCabe, to the point of blanking out and having severe anxiety and alternating between anger and feeling extremely sad and distressed. Today was better, but I have some things to work through, and am taking necessary steps to help address it.

These events remind us of our own mortality, and of the fact that people think that it can be excusable, and of the fact that we lost someone at all who deserved to live regardless of what they could have done by traditional measures. I am pretty sure none of us actively forget about these things, but when it happens, the aftermath can bring those reminders to intense, almost or actually unbearable levels.

I will be trying to work on ways to help us cope in these aftermaths, perhaps a group area online, a large master post of resources, a list of people who are willing to talk to someone about their feelings. These ideas will have to be finessed and worked on, of course. Any other suggestions will be welcome. Comment here, message at k-pagination on Tumblr, or email me if

• you have suggestions for masterposts I can compile
• suggestions for a group forum that would be manageable and not out of control
• feel like you would be able to provide support for people via Skype or other forms of instant message, including Facebook.

—— (This would mean your information in these regards would  have to be available for those who ask. Potentially, I feel, I would have a list and then message the people on the list to see how they are feeling/if they are able to talk to someone, so the information wouldn’t just be everywhere on the internet.) ——

• You know of any open, free and accessible counseling places available physically or online that have actively demonstrated they are not ableist, sexist, racist, queerphobic, transphobic, bigoted, etc. and that they would not undermine the purpose/identity of the person seeking assistance and counseling.

You can also email me at silverbrook.aka.silva@gmail.com or message me at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Paginated-Thoughts/742852935779780

When You're Not "Loud and Angry Enough"

We clearly need to figure something out, as a community. When the Autistic community has scared a good amount of Autistic people into not being able to say things, what has it become? I was one of them, for a while. I’m not going into direct confrontations on Facebook (I don’t have spoons to deal with the arguing that would happen), but I’m writing this post.

The goal of a community is to not echo-chamber itself into only allowing certain ideas and viewpoints into it, which, frankly, has been a lot of what I’m seeing. People are attracted to the ideal that explosive, sometimes abusive behavior is okay when you’re part of an oppressed group. We as a community have dealt with a lot of pain. We’ve lost a lot of children, teenagers and adults to caretakers, and we’ve been abused in the name of therapy. I would not deny this community anger at things that have been done and are still being done.

The echo-chambering I’m seeing, though, is that if you’re not loud and angry and constantly scouring the bits of the Internet to confront and call out people, you are too polite and constantly want to make nice. The echo-chambering I’m seeing is permitting the silencing of some Autistic people through fear while saying that you’re being silenced when someone has a different opinion than you or wants you to stop yelling.

The dynamics of a community, the fabric of its being, does not rely on explosive techniques. The explosiveness I can no longer be quiet about drives potential allies and newly diagnosed Autistic people away as an unsafe space, and more importantly, many Autistic people may look at this community and wonder what is getting done, wonder if they even want to be part of it, and credibility is damaged. And what will we tell the people who aren’t privy to our conversations and are not able to join in, who may rely on us to help enact change in the community and society? What then?