Acceptance Is (Autism Acceptance Month 2015)

Acceptance Is (Autism Acceptance Month 2015) 

cross-posted on Tumblr

I just re-read the story of Jess Wilson and her daughter Brooke with Brooke's grandfather (Jess's father). How he did not make Brooke give him a hug until she was ready.

(I can understand why parents and relatives want hugs and kisses and touch and verbal affection. It is society's normal, and it is not their fault that everyone expects it).

But acceptance is respect. Acceptance is knowing that even if you want it, an Autistic person's dignity and autonomy and right to choose what kinds of affection to display is more important. Acceptance is knowing that a nonspeaking person doesn't have to say “I love you” out loud to communicate the sentiment.

Some would say acceptance is not fighting to save an Autistic person, accepting defeat. But quack cures and forced exposure to unpleasant, painful stimuli and compliance training will not, because these inverventions can do much harm, and an autistic person does not need to be saved from autism.

(I can understand why a culture that tells us being autistic is wrong can have an impact on people, and the professionals will tell people that 40 hours of ABA is necessary to have an impact).

But I would argue that acceptance is love and love is what nurtures anyone. Acceptance is love and respect. Acceptance should show with people's actions. It's not enough to say you accept someone and then try to change them into someone they are not.

For instance, extinguishing stimming because it's “embarrassing” or forcing them to look you in the face or forcing someone to look in other people's faces would not be acceptance. Some good examples of acceptance include what Brooke's grandfather did, above; actively working to dispel myths about autism; listening to someone's behavior instead of dismissing it; listening to Autistic people and boosting their voices; and working to raise a generation of Autistic people respectfully.

Acceptance is also hoping there will be more generations of autistic people instead of an attempt at preventing us. We should be here. The world would lose part of its diversity without us. And we have a right to exist.

The social model and when society refuses to admit its part

[Also on Tumblr]

I’m going to reiterate the social model and what this blog advocates for and what I advocate for. It has been said before. I will say it again. For the sake of this post, “society” will stand as the general conception  non-disabled people have of disability – or what they don’t think about in terms of disability.

In a society which disables us and refuses to admit they do so, it is not that we are not fighting hard enough for our rights, for our equity, that our demands are not strong enough – it is that society views disability itself as a malfunction of the human body or brain. It is a strong cultural bias and line of thought that has been around since there were cultures, and, though accentuated and perpetuated greatly by capitalism, is not solely a byproduct of capitalism. If capitalism ceased to exist, ableism would still exist. And there is no perfect world in which we can trust a government and economic system to fully benefit us.

In a society that would rather fix the individual who is not broken (i.e. all the money spent researching cures for autism and prenatal testing research) than spend a bit of extra effort to make things accessible and provide supports (like using alternative communication devices to spread the person’s word, ramps in the front of buildings rather than relegating wheelchair users to the back), we must continue to exist as an act of defiance.

Society does not consider the extra effort the person they are disabling has to put in to get someplace, do something, and perhaps, they are not able to get to where they are going from the failure to provide any meaningful supports or make it accessible, but protests the moment any disabled person brings it up (i.e. academic conferences sometimes both physically lacking accessibility for anyone with a mobility-based physical disability, and language barriers – this can be the classroom, too. Academic jargon is essentially shutting many disabled people out of conversations).

Society protests about the effort they would have to put in.

This is the social model of disability: we can have impairments or different ways of doing things, and society disables us by not allowing us the tools to complete tasks (and by not allowing us the right to human dignity at times).

Society has a lot to work for. 

(While we fight for those rights, please keep in mind that not everyone will be immediately receptive to the idea that they are part of a cultural bias. Please work with them to the extent you can.)

Other Autistic People Taught Me What Autism Means (Video)

Oh look a video.

Transcript, though captioned (fairly) accurately:

Rough transcript, captions should be listed at some point on the video.  I wrote in my own and it’s setting the timings?

This is an address to parents and people who care for and assist autistic people.

I have been feeling *more* autistic lately, if that makes sense – just using echoes more, realizing scripts more, thinking about things I do. I mean, I flapped at a cat for five minutes the other day.

To other Autistic people…

I stim more, I am more open… and I that’s because I follow so many people on Tumblr and talk on Facebook a lot with people.

Being around other Autistic people is important.

Being around other Autistic people lets you know you can do things with them and also on your own, when situations permit. It gives you almost an internal permission to let go. When I started the k-pagination blog, I was like “Will only write activism posts and reblog activism posts. Serious stuff.” And now it’s just… I need the joy of being Autistic. I will write posts that might seem a bit silly. I will start tagging with the echoes I always had in my head and never used.

Being around other Autistic people is important.

If you’re a parent or caregiver, reading this, let your autistic kids and adults (if you have legal guardianship or something), be around other Autistic people. Don’t isolate them from neurodivergence. That in of itself can be as harmful as a physical seclusion room.

This is not my usual, long and flowing eloquent and bit detached activism. This is an autistic person asking for people to respect lived experiences. I was like your child.

I climbed trees, I ran around shrieking and screaming all the time, and even if I did now, it wouldn’t make me less than. I did a lot of things in those alarmist documentaries. I am worthy of dignity and autonomy. So are your kids and relatives, whether nonspeaking or speaking or need aides and what level of supports they need.

And other Autistic people are the ones who taught me self advocacy and activism. It was just a label before I met Autistic people I talk to and call friends and acquaintances and respect. Though psychiatrists and psychologists can be useful, other Autistic people taught me what autism means, not them.

And to Autistic people watching this, you have the right to be around other Autistic people and talk and share your experiences, and have validation.

An Open Letter to Journalists, Bloggers, and People: A Violent Narrative

Autistic people and other disabled people are victims both of violence and of the myth-perpetuating articles and posts that crop up every time one of us is killed or abused.

It’s about “not enough services.”

It’s that the disabled person was “violent.”

The disabled person was “burdensome.”

The disabled person was [tw: murder of Nancy Fitzmaurice] “suffering too much to live.”

I am always disturbed by the ways in which the abuse and murders are justified. I want to read articles without being unsurprised by the fact that we have, yet again, been called burdens. I want to be able to read articles and be surprised if that happens, to have it not be the norm.

The deaths of the disabled have never been about us. Even in death, we are rejected sympathy and mourning. We (activists) should not have to spend all our energy trying to convince people that our lives are, in fact, worth as much as the non-disabled lives and defending our dead and abused. We should be able to spend our energy on just making disabled lives better, on helping each other through life, regardless of whatever we do in the traditional, societal sense of productivity.

My friend wrote that:

“London McCabe was a wanted child.

If you are a blogger or journalist telling the story, know that much.  Get that right.  Even if no one in his biological family wanted this boy, the autistic community did.  We wanted to enjoy sharing life and our affection with him. We wanted to help him grow into the best and happiest person he could be and have a wonderful life…”

The stories do not focus on this.

The stories that say [tw: ableism] “Oregon autism death raises awareness of how to help overwhelmed families” are what happen. The stories say that being overwhelmed makes it more acceptable to kill disabled people; the stories say that if we don’t get more services for these families, the children are at risk. And they are, but not because they deserve it or are “burdensome,” but because people buy into the fact that our “burdensome” existence can in fact justify the abuse, deaths and murders.

With every contribution to the narrative that lack of services make it acceptable, with every post that forces us to defend the dead we are trying to mourn, with every excuse thrown out to try and downplay what would be a horrific act if done to a non-disabled person, [tw: list of murdered disabled people] the disability community is put more and more at risk.

We are asking for your acceptance. We have your awareness of how “burdensome” we must be. Change the narrative into one not of awareness, but of acceptance of us as people.

Autistic Pride and What you Need to Know

[TW: Includes links to the abuse of Autistic people and violence against them, as well as "quiet hands" and seclusion.]
 
Autistics Speaking

Our methods of communication may not be what you are accustomed to. Sometimes we use assistive technology or just flapping intermingled with words to get the point across. But we all have things to say. Listen.

Pride

We can be proud and often are. We are proud of our neurodivergent brains. And have you ever seen a room of Autistic people flapplauding happily? Have you ever seen the joy we feel when stimming, which isn't just a negative response? Or just the pride in our ways of thinking and doing.

Being Autistic can be hard. Being Autistic can lead to more challenges in the world, but so many of those are based in a society which values spoken/verbal communication and an education system which views it as a compilation of deficits.

More importantly, autism is not something you can change about a person, or something you can cure; it is part of our neurology, hardwired into our brains, so why not be proud?

Also, have you ever seen someone's face light up when they get on their special subject? The way they communicate and move and they are the expert and they want to share? It's beautiful. I can tell you everything about cats, I can explain to you my dragons on Flight Rising, or describe every aspect of eugenic history: I can recite eugenics books in my sleep (almost), name top eugenicists, describe the way they described people, tell you what state passed the first sterilization law and when, who first came up with eugenics in the U.K. and that he was a cousin of Charles Darwin, inform you of how it made its way to Nazi Germany and that American eugenicist Harry Laughlin was later honored by Heidelberg University and he accepted it with pride.

Nightmares: Open Your Eyes to the Things that Happen

People have nightmares all the time. Being locked up in rooms, not knowing how to get out or when they ever will. Violent nightmares where they're at the hands of someone who wants to do them harm. A lot of us live these nightmares in seclusion rooms. We get punished for flapping or making a noise or dropping a pencil or moving in the wrong way or if we argue with someone we get put in a room, locked in. These things happen where we're supposed to be safe, places like schools, places where we're supposed to be able to get an education.

Some of us are afraid, not so much from random strangers on the street but from the people who claim to love us. Some of us are the victims of violence and abuse that's either called self-defense or therapy, like Issy Stapleton, whose mother called her violent and tried to kill her. Some of us don't make it out alive, like Alex Spourdalakis, drugged and stabbed to death. These things happen when we're supposed to be safe, places like our homes, places where we're supposed to be loved and supported.

Most people can wake up from nightmares, but some of us can't. We hold a vigil every year for the victims of violence. We unite to try and put an end to these things.

A Guidebook for the Non-Autistic: Things You Need to Recognize

• Presumption of competence, believing in our ability to learn and understand, will bring us farther than any abusive therapies.
• We are marginalized, but we're still here and we will not be quiet; listen to us about things that concern us.
• Behavior is communication; do not assume behaviors have no reasons behind them, and do your best to understand.
• The same goes for watching us in public; we may look weird and different to you, but we have reasons and should not be shunned.
• Representation in the media is not accurate.
• We can provide valuable information on our disability and autism, and you should listen.
• The value of our lives are not less regardless of the level of support we need. We have the same rights to life, love, education, jobs, and living conditions as anyone else.
• Listen.

~
Kit Mead
Autistics Speaking Day 2014